By EK Wills
By The MotherMind Doctor
Why do we feel the need to take on others’ opinions?
Today I went to pick out a new pair of glasses and I took someone along to assist the process, who I consider to be a good judge of style aka my husband.
Most of the options were dull and I was looking for something with more spark. My husband was choosing different ones to me and it was taking a long time. The sales assistant was most helpful and upsold me to a fancy frame, and I walked away feeling slightly uneasy.
What I concluded was, that the ones I initially liked had not been chosen and, that I had compromised with what all three of us thought to get it done.
But why did I allow it? I’m an independent person yet I felt I had conceded to the influence of others.
When we allow others to tell us how to do things, or give their opinions, while not directly considering our own, we can struggle to identify our own authentic approach.
And in the age of social influencers telling us what to buy, wear, like and listen to, it’s little wonder we don't trust our own judgments at times.
The psychology of influence is a real phenomena and is often unconscious.
While people want to be different from others, they also seek a sense of belonging. Plus people can find it difficult to make decisions when the risk of a wrong decision could tarnish your image or waste time and money. And it can take time to make informed decisions.
So how do we work out what we really want?
Essential Lifeskills says that to make a good decision there are several steps.
1 identify objectives
2 gather facts
3 brainstorm options
4 weigh the possibilities
5 list the pros and cons
6 get opinions and feedback
7 decide and monitor results
Thankfully, not every decision needs a list.
Ultimately, I had unconsciously followed the decision tree but wasn't feeling as confident about the choice at the time because it required compromise. I had already done my homework and looked at options before entering the optometrist. I made my decision given the variables and now I need to monitor the results when I get the glasses back in a week.
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